It's been quite awhile since I have posted, though I have much to say.  However...I am lacking time right now!  I can't seem to find time or reason enough to hang out at the computer with the busy-ness of life.

I made it through the first anniversary of my first miscarriage on August 13th.  It wasn't a sad day for me, though it truly was bittersweet.  I thought of my baby, and how he would have been about four months old, had he made it.  I thanked God for the precious few weeks we had him on earth, in my womb.  The only time I will ever hold him in this life.  I am proud to be his mother, and I will always love him.

I also remembered the sorrow I felt that day, one year ago.  The feeling of utter powerlessness.  The incredible shock-sucker punch I felt when it all happened.  How the sun was shining beautifully, and I couldn't help but hate the sun that day when all I felt was a ravaging storm inside. My life changed completely then.  I am the same, but am also a different person now.  there will never be any going back.

And though it's painful, I know that it is God's Will, and I am at peace with that fact.  I thought I didn't take life for granted before, that I didn't take the people I love for granted, but I think I was wrong.  It feels different now.  I feel less stressed and worried about the little details, and I think that is because I more fully understand how very precious life is.  Everyday is different, but for the most part life is just so good.  I would never take back the loss of any baby, as hard as it is.  I am overjoyed at the thought of meeting them again.  And the pain has made me stronger. It's changed me in some ways, but such is life.

Thank you, God, for letting me live my life.