Physical Healing

I don't know yet if my body has healed from my latest miscarriage.  Here's the timeline:

June 4th- Doctor appointment.  No heartbeat found. Ultrasound showed a beautiful 6wk baby with no life.  Should have been 10wks along.  Opt for natural miscarriage as opposed to immediate D&C.

June 9th-Bleeding begins.

June 13th-Have terrible cramps/contractions.  Gushing bleeding.  It's the most physically painful experience I have had from miscarriages to date. Almost think I will pass out from the pain...I pass the baby.  Beautiful, perfect baby.

June 27th-Stop bleeding.

June29th-A nurse calls to check on me, which is funny because I had just been thinking that they must not care what happens to me, as I had not heard from the doctor since my Jun 4th appt.  I tell the nurse I bled for two weeks, and appear to be fine.

June 30th-I start bleeding AGAIN. wth?

July 2nd-Wake up and no blood or spotting at all.  Okay....

July 4th-Start bleeding again that afternoon.

July 5th-No blood.

July 6th-present-HEAVY bleeding.

I don't know what is going on.  The longest I have gone without bleeding is three days.  Then it starts.  Then it stops.  So today I am going to call the doctor.  The most stressful part of this is I don't know how the heck I will get in to get checked.  Unless someone has stumbled upon this blog, none of my family and friends know I was even pregnant-Justin and I kept it to ourselves.  So...it will be tricky trying to get someone to watch the kids. What do I say? 'Oh, can you watch the kids so I can go to the doctor?  No, I'm not pregnant, just lost yet another baby.'  And to even find someone to watch the kids at all will be a mess. Justin surely cannot take off work, and my mom and inlaws work all week.  Ugh.  Why couldn't my body just fix itself naturally, like it did with the other two?  Isn't it enough that I have to even go through this, and now I have to go through the headache of trying to get to the doctor again?  And I just feel like I cannot even move on until I start bleeding.  Every time I go to the bathroom and see the blood, it's almost like my body is saying,'Hey there, uh...just in case you had a few moments when you didn't think about the baby that you're supposed to be carrying right now, here's a reminder that there will be no new baby in December.'

So, yeah...I'm a bit stressed out about the bleeding situation.  If only that would clear up, it would make things easier.  Obviously the emotional pain I have to live with for the rest of my life.  But if my body would just heal physically, that would really be a blessing, not to mention one less thing to worry about.